it's not easy to let go , be it hate or love.

holiday is ending , another 10 days. thinking of going bck sch make me feel so drain . the thinking of facing them make me feel so annoyed , upset , drain , etc etc ... anyway , i juz hate going sch , cause i have to face them .it's gonna be another two and a half year . muz endure !

anyway , i spent my holiday quite well i guess ? had been working as a promoter and admin . so earn quite a few bucks tht cn last me for a few months , and it's a long holiday agn . have to work agn . not forgetting to mention tht i went for esc camp . it was awesome ! made quite a few friends during the camp (: and i change my hairstyle . guess kinda cute ? lots of ppl say tht :x hmm ... couldn't say tht my life during holidays was perfertly awesome , cause thr're hip-cup here and thr . however , i do enjoy my holidays .

tdy , my parents sending my maid bck to the agency cause her working attitidue wasn't very gd , and need to wait for a month or smt for another new one . oh god , the housechore :x :x i don't wan to do la D: hope she'll find another better working enviroment , and hope we cn get a better maid ?

i can't let it go , be it hate or love .

panic ...

two more day will be first paper ! so fast ... :X moodswing ....

give me a hug , tht's all i need

a weeks before exam ... shld strt studying real soon . i guess tmr will be a better day .

give me a hug to let me knw u r beside me, lend me a shoulder to cry , give me a kiss to tell me u love me .

so tired of everything , i need a break .

what's wrong ?

another two weeks before holiday strt . shld really strt revising . kinda shock whn I gt bck my INPROSYS quiz , was thinking tht I'll fail badly bt manage to score pretty well . oh well , happy go lucky I guess ? sch wasn't bad as well , at least I survive through . didn't meeting up bin n Yao this week , they're busy :/ last project , and it'll be finish for this sem .


if only I'm able to find you , I wouldn't be here crying .

too complicated , too sad to know who's ur true friends .

didn't update for quite a few weeks alrdy . anyway , life in sch wasn't that bad since i joined another clique . although thr're tym being left out , but still it's getting better . had 4 quizzes this week , which's alrdy over . another 3 weeks before holiday strt . as usual , ytd meet up with bin , yao didn't manage to come . had awesome tym catching up with bin (: going out with my lovely nvr fail to brighten my day (:


sometime i just hope tht everything can come to a stop . too complicated , too sad to knw who's your real friends .

hoping .

if there's a will , there's a way right ? hmm , I do hope so . sch didn't went too well or too bad . but still the enthusiasm for sch is gone for sure . why ? because I don't wish to see them .

whn I fall , I hope u cn be thr for me .

an ending is a new begining

ytd was NV 10th anniversary . all i cn say it was awesome (: realize tht every concert help us to bond with each other . get even closer to each other (: i miss NVAB alrdy ! however i don't lyk the feeling after concert , feel kinda empty . making me wan more , hoping tht tym cn stop thr for a moment. but we all knw , thr's always an ending for everything . be it is happy or sad . everything will end one day. bt the memories will nvr end (: si liang dad sent me home , so i reach home before 12 ^^ thx ! (:


i don't know what change you , bt feel so hurt abt ur change . be it as a lover or friend . the one i use to knw , whr are you ?

breaking apart .

idk wht to do ... within seconds , I'm falling apart ... whose gonna pick me up agn ? how I wish it never happen before . I pray , praying for miracle . I'm so hurt to move , so hurt to laugh , so hurt to cry . wht shld I do ?

thr's a time u need to get away frm everything.

sometym be alone doesn't mean lonely i guess ? although the relationship between me and the class is more distance than before . bt at least i cn be me (: sometym i love the silent . maybe i may look lonely , bt sometym it really doesn't matter . meeted teng on sat . had awesome shopping tym , buffet and sing k (: and ytd meet up with bin and yao (:

seeing them really make my day (: they give me the courage to stay strong (: being with them , let me recharge agn , and go face the girls in my class . really in love with them :D although we can't spent so much tgt anymore . bt true friends don't distance themselve even they don't meet up often (:

this coming sat will be NVSS 10th anniversary (: hope the concert will go well .

be it in the past or present , u're always thr for me (:

have u ever thought who give me the courage whn i need it ?

do you knw thr're so many times i wanted to just give up and fall apart . do u knw wht give me the courage to continue to stay strong ? have u ever thought of how i feel ? do you knw wht i have been through ? the answer is all no . whn i have problems in sch , who cn i turn to ? my friends , not you .

you're tired , am i not ? i mean who's not ? you say i didn't help out at home . oh really ? these two weeks i have been rushing home after sch juz to come bck and help . you didn't say a thanks , now you're saying that i'm not helping ? i just went to back every friday night to help out only . i'm not going out to play . i'm just try to help out , i just hoping that everyone arnd me cn be happy . is this selfish ?

do you have any idea how passion i have for music ? no ... two years back , whn i having a concert at victoria concert hall . asked you if you wan to go , you say not free . but end up you're at home watching television . do you knw how disappointed i am ? i wish you guys were thr to support me . however , you didn't . and i don't have wonderful friends in poly . my poly life sux , i'm just trying to get myself busy and forget my problem . and the only way is music .

yes , it's my fault for not doing well in 'O' lvl , nw i did better alrdyy . but did you see ? it's never enough right ? what i do is never enough . never enough to be your good child , your perfect child . i knw , before i was born , you was hoping i'm a boy , but end up i'm a girl . disappointing right ?

how long can you be strong ?

it's monday ! a new week in July . another month to main exam . hope I cn do well . (: wish me gd luck (: even since so many things happen , actually make me realize , many tym alot of things is beyond our control . maybe tht how god arrange it , hoping we cn gain experience . frm pain , we'll learn . experience make us a better person I guess . but thr're so many times tht I suddenly feel the faith is fading in me . I'm worried tht someday I'll just break down . huien jy okayy ?

I'm always waiting here . just tht u didn't realize .
ps. look back at tym to see me .

passion for music

realise that I still have passion for music . I miss playing flute . playing it make me forget my trouble because I'm focusing , and concentrating how to play well . (: haha , so I wonder shld I join back band in tp ma ... but thr's many factors why I don't wan join . haha . in love with music (;

u keep calling ppl sticky , but errm hello , I don't stick to u . I tired to avoid u as much as I cn . don't u see it -.-' and what's wrong eating medicine to get better skin ? are u jealous ? ur skin condition isn't tht gd pls ... and yeah wht u tweet on twitter I wund borther tweeting back indirectly . since I have done u wrong in the first place , I'm juz gonna close one eye to make up wht I done . however I do hope u have some 良心 , I didn't do that over . but lyk I say God is watching wht we doing , and yes there's karma . and if u are too over , u also will get it . haiz , I miss the days I have in sec 3 & 4 life . life was much more peaceful than this year . hmm :/ but I do believe 只要笑一笑，没什么事过不了！coz I still have a bunch of friends that's always thr whn I need them (: thx (:

wow, I nt sure how long cn I ignore their comments and be strong at the same tym . I'm losing the grip alrdy ... the faith in me is fading . I don't knw how to be strong anymore ... they thought I'm tht strong ... it's all acting ... but who's knw right ? part of me is alrdy falling apart , I feel lyk bursting out into tears ... bt who cn I turn to ? no one ... I keep telling myself , just don't care , carry on with ur life , but I just can't . so pathetic huh ? I need a rest frm everything ... why just can't they move on ? they say don't try to act so strong den end up be a sore loser . bt hello , if I don't , wht am I suppose to do ? being weak ? letting u laugh at it ? and u keep saying loser ? don't u knw wht u write is so not logical ?

posting say ppl lame losers . I think u r juz referring to urself afterall . who's the one tht always post emo tweet . u lor ! LOL ! loser don't knw how a loser act lyk . I'll tell u here , they are jealous of ppl so they always bitch ! their mouth is juz meant for bitching , so yeah bitch ! and u said u r luckily coz nvr go airport , I'm happy to say I'm more luckily than u coz u didn't come . I went thr for a purpose , bt u guys ? NO ! so LAME losers pls get out of my life ! tyvm ! (: juz retain or smt since u don't wan be same class as me . I don't mind having a smaller class (: one for all , all for one . all retain la (:


oya , if u ever get to read this post , don't assume it's u okayy ? (: hahaha , I didn't type ur name thr , so don't BHB think I talking abt u arh (: unless u r guilty of it ! ((: hahahaha ! fcking bitch get lost kayy ? (: I'll be so happy without ur bitch mouth bitching (:

only have two words to describe them - no life ! and 8 letters as well - childish ! shouldn't care abt what they say . lyk seriously !! LOL . this is the first tym I will use LOL , coz really they no life lor :) oh well ... wht to do , nt their parents , can't lecture them . hahaha , bt I don't give a damn anymore . I'll be the one growing up , have a better stand in society (: they r at the disadvantage ! hahaha ((: believe urself man ! get over with this ! another 3 yrs to go ! JY ! (:

I hate this feeling ! feeling so anxious , worry >.< n I'm making things worse . huien u r a idiot ! totally ! 100%! I really didn't mean to make them walk so far ... argh ! :x I'm really sorry . but seem like nobody wan forgive me , none of them reply . if u wan me to choose dignity or friendship , I would choose friendship . so I took the first step to say sorry ... but haiz ....

been a month since sch strt.

my poly life have offically strt a month ago . it's the 4th week of sch alrdy , but it look so umm , unreal ? can't believe i'm in poly . haven't been really studying , feeling kinda of guilty . gonna study tmr ! having quiz n lab test nxt week ! thr's nth much to say abt my poly life , it's juz fun , busy n play . miss my secondary sch frens! especially my clique( Yao Yao , Yun Bin , Selina and Wai Teng) haven't see them for quite some time already . can't find another time to meet them . project project project ~

i'll be moving house two days later . do hope i can adapt new enviroment . thr's nth much i can really update on my blog coz thr's nth cool going on .

the second week of sch juz end , tdy is a day to let me rest ~ having a bad cough nw currently , my dad wants me to see doctor , but idk shld i go or nt , coz i hate medicine ... however , if i don't go , idk how long this cough is going to be with me :x so hmmm , maybe i shld juz go right ? den few days ltr , i cn have my mac ~ so long nvr eat le :c hehe , love to eat <3

if a guy tell me tht he will love me forever , i wouldn't believe it . i don't believe love cn last forever . wht's forever ? i hope i knw the answer .

it's juz the second week of poly ! and we have so many project in our hand alrdy ! so poly actually is not tht free after all ! haha , bt still sch is fun (: especially with karen , joey , kai wen n xian min (: hehehe , so many gossip ! sch is enjoyable coz of them (: i'm worried tht i'm unable to do well in poly , coz thr's so much thing i haven't learn before ! :x but i'll try my best to get good GPA ! (: another few more weeks i'll be moving house ! so fast right ? few months ago , i still saying tht i'll be moving house soon ~ n it this month ! oh gosh ! time pass so fast right ?!

TP orientation is officially finish , monday(25th april) sch will offcially being too . well tym fly , it 23th april tdy ! have so much fun in orientation , in a awesome class that have awesome mentors and classmates :D whn u have fun , u wonder wht tym pass so fun , oh well :/ i wan to be mentors too ! i wan to have fun and hope the freshmen will have fun lyk me :D and i wan engineering sch to win business sch ! i wan to win back regatta ! and i think i lyk a guy frm tp , he's cute ! bt the chances we are going to be tgt is 0.00001 % , so hmm :/ tdy alumni band practice is kinda boring , so many seniors idk :(

it's tmr , why am i feeling so down ? shldn't i be happy ? it's my birthday . so insignificant ...

11 April
went out with Ayuni (: catch the movie 'Hop' at amk , before tht we are shopping arnd (: almost lost a library bk , scare me lyk hell , didn't reali enjoy the movie :/ oh well , bt still the movie is nice (: funny , friendship (: in the afternoon we went nex to contiue our shopping (: I only brought a necklace , hehe ! saved money ! (: came home for dinner . looking forward to 12 April ! syf day ! :D

12 april - syf !
went sch at arnd 6.30 am coz nvsb was the first band ! listen to nvsb , they are reali nt bad (: so they gt silver ! I'm so happy for them ! had so much fun with my juniors ! was playing arnd after they knw the result . everyone was so happy ! all of them was so happy (: although I'm no longer a member of nvsb , bt still my heart will always be with them (: once a nvsb member , forever a nvsb member (: hope the sch wund look down on band agn , we gt a silver back ! nvsb is a silver band ! (: I love band ! didn't join lee's for dinner coz I need to have dinner at home . hahaha , oh well , at least I cn save money :D the feeling still remain , just tht it's nt so strong :/

tdy went new house to clean the rms , coz the furniture is coming in tmr . it's tiring , but oh well , it's my house . so i have to put in the effort to clean it . haha (: shld be moving in in may . sch is strting in a week ! i'm looking forward to it ! to meet new friends (: i miss my friends ! love them so much (: saw jk n herman at hg mall tdy . i'm having headache the whole day , haiz .

i reali reali hate you . i cnt forgive you . i cnt forget wht u did to me . I HATE YOU . seriously ... i hate seeing you with my friend . i'm not sure is tht jealous or hated or scared . i don't wan you to be in my life . i don't wan you to get near to my friends . i'm scared to lose my friends because of you . they are my clique , lyk my best sis ever . always for thr for me , bt i'm scared because of u agn , i lose my friendship . wht u did 7 years ago , i cn nvr forget , nvr ever going to forgive you . i'm nt sure why after i see the video , i get so upset abt it ... idk wht to do to make myself better , i reali don't ... guys don't leave me behind kayy ? i reali need u guys to be by my side . why u guys leave me because of someone talk back abt me ? i'm scared ... i'm really scared ...

i'm strting school on 19th april ! hehehe (: anyway tdy went out with bin , jk , yao , milton n calvin . seem like 3 cpl , however it's nt ! i have nothing to do with calvin , we are juz fren . feel lyk odd one out , my life is lyk plain . no guys no bf , it's all abt myself . wht's ur feeling toward me ? i wonder ...

gosh , my blog is kinda dead . haven't been updating it . hahas , lazy >.> i doubt anyone will visit my blog . coz thr's nth much to read . my new house at yishun is almost done i guess ? juz tht the furnitures are nt done . and i still need to wait a few more weeks to get my lappy :/ IT fair haven't strt yet . anyway i have no idea wht shld i get , so i think i still have tym to think abt . (: hmm , thr's nth much to post i think ...

hmm , guess my blog is kinda dead :/ haven't been able to update . have been working and working (: working wid some uncle , it fun ! (: ppl think it will be boring , bt hell no ! hahaha (: the posting of jae is out , business process & system engineering at tp . kinda happy getting of my first choice although tis course aren't my dream course . anyway be contented of wad we had right ? Thank you God for arranging such great arrangement for me (:



hmm , recently have been thinking abt him so much , don't know why :/ I hope I cn forget abt it , but still ... anyway baby I love you
...

LAST DAY OF 2010 !

woah , it's the last day of 2010 . time reali pass very fast . well , it was fun i guess ? hahax , because of my awesome friends and him . although we aren't together anymore , he gave me the best memories i had for this year . this will be an ending of 2010 but a new begining for 2011 . let work hard to make nxt year wonderful .

thank you my friends for being there for me when i always need you , your concern n support are priceless . thank you for bringing laughter to my life in 2010 :) and of course we do argue , but we're always friends . the tears n laughter we shared cn nvr use money to buy , so let treasure it . ever since i met u guys ( selina , yao yao , yun bin , wai teng , cheryl , hwee jun , yun hui ) i'm really happy . in the past , i don't have any so-called true friends . but now i'm proud to say i do :) you are the angels in my life . stay happy as always :)

i'm gladdd to say tht the picnic on the 29th dec was a great success ! we had so much fun ! we went picnic first . well , we don't know how to fly kite ! so kite flying - FAILED ! but we had so much fun trying to fly the kite . the food yao yao n selina prepared was awesome ! went to pool , had dinner at pizza hut and went bin house for majong . no pics -bin computer can't read selina camera memory card . awesome day !

idk why these few days i keep having headache . missing him ? maybe ? oh well , there is nothing i can do with that . missing him asking me to tc . but nah , i shall not msg him so much , i don't wan him to get into trouble with his parents again . maybe he really going through a hard time cause of his parents , so i shall not be his burden anymore . baby , i love you . i rather you live happily without me being your burden .